


Tell Me Now It Was My Fault

by 221Baggins



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, inside Tony's head, it's after the ash scene you guys, of course he blames himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-05 23:21:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14629161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221Baggins/pseuds/221Baggins
Summary: He honestly should have seen it coming. He was always bound to traumatic experiences and deep regret of loving people, but this time it was worse. So much worse.





	Tell Me Now It Was My Fault

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!! This is my first fic EVER. Please don't be mean, enjoy even though it's short and sorry about any grammar mistakes since my first language is Brazilian Portuguese.
> 
> Also, read while listening to White Blank Page by Mumford & Sons. It hurts more.

He honestly should have seen it coming. He was always bound to traumatic experiences and deep regret of loving people, but this time it was worse. So much worse.

The thing is, liking someone and letting them in after debating all of the ways it could go wrong, but nonetheless giving yourself up to love, that's okay. He was used to doing it just to have everything blow up on his face later. Rhodey would always be there to pick him up after a fall, no matter the height.

But again, this time wasn't about being selfish, about being romantically involved with someone. This time was worse because he didn't see it, because he would have never expected to love someone in such a pure way. A way he thought his heart wouldn't be capable of, at least not after Howard's A+ parenting skills.

Peter. It wasn't the loss of Steve, the loss of a whole team he dedicated himself and his money into. None of that broke him. Sure, he never went back to his old self after the so called "Civil War"— that's how the media liked to call the debacle— None of that broke him, but Peter Parker was the one to change it.

Since day one the boy caved his way into tony's life, and after a while the older man just couldn't see himself and his future without peter's bright energy in it. To be honest everything is his fault and he _knows_  it. He was lost in outer space... When did his life become so chaotic? No, never mind. He knows the answer and wishes that the blame could be on him because, for once, it wasn't. If the universe were to be perfect he would still be just a playboy, ignorant to others outside of his circle of loved ones— Just Pepper and Rhodey, really — And life would be way easier with no Super Soldiers to fuck him over, no teammates to get attached to and most importantly, no spider kid to steal his heart and awake inside of him the strongest parental urge on earth.

 

_Fuck_

 

He was shaking even after sitting down

 

_Peter._

 

_Is he actually dead?_

 

_Did he fail him in the worst way possible?_

 

Suddenly all he could think about while letting his heavy head rest on his hands was failing Pepper years ago,—he still had nightmares of letting her hand go while he watches her fall into the flames to this day— of Rhodey getting shot and losing half of his body mobility. All because of him. He was the faulty algorithm in all of the equations.

 

_"I'm so sorry"_

 

Peter's last words kept ringing in his ears. The boy's desperate cries not wanting to die, his face slowly becoming damp because of the tears and fear. 

 

Tony could only stare at his dirty hands.—No, it wasn't dirt. It was peter, it was everyone — Everything turned to dust right before his eyes, So maybe he should just disappear too.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y’all enjoyed! I’d like to know everyone’s opinion/constructive criticism, so maybe I can turn this into a little series and explore the inside of all of the characters minds when their loved ones turned into dust.


End file.
